Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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