so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
