You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
