porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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