she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
