were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
