I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
