Taylor Swift is so right about you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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