i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
