How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
