its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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