you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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