The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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