On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
how does that bad decision feel?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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