My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was born a porn star she said
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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