As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
