He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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