I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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