One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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