I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
