I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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