She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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