that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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