Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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