be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
