If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
