when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
