"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably