Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door