i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland