You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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