I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Still dying that you shit outside
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
