My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
