Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
