I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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