Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
