from now on my penis is your penis
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
