Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
