My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
