My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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