she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
