are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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