Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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