Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
