The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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