Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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