well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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