that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
