You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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