so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
