Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
