Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
