Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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