And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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