I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
