You smell like a Billy Joel song
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
