I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
