She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize