So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
