singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
