i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
