did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
