My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him