I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.