I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST