Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table