she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"